Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
how drunk are you?
Several
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
