The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
