if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
