Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
