if you like me you must not know who I am
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
