i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize