I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize