Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize