You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
