we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
