Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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