this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
