I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
