you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize