Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
