three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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