Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
