you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
