My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
