Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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