When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
