I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
