You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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