Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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