i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
