Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
did you just send me my own nude
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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