Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
