you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
