So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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