I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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