Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize