My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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