She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
