We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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