he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
