Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
