please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
