Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
