Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
