I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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