Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
