Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
