Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
