When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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