remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
