OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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