oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
