Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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