I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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