I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
