how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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