Pappa wants mamma naked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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