i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
