i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
