so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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