Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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