I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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