I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
