My first STD was from a foam party
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
