You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
