So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
