I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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