allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
