I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Moan for me like Helen Keller
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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