when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
