So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
