She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
