with your own penis?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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